Dealing With Problem Parents

Last week, I discussed dealing with problem players. Today, the focus turns to problem parents, which we all deal with at one time or another.

Many coaches have many ideas on handling the problem parent. I am proactive with parents about issues and consequences. Also, communication with everyone involved is the best policy so that potential issues never materialize.
 
For example, if you are going to play the top six players the entire game, then the rest of the team needs to know how you are going to approach playing time. If you are a coach that adjusts playing time based on attendance, then that needs to be communicated. You have to be fair and consistent. Simply put yourself in your players’ parents’ shoes. What would they want to know? What is important for them? Don’t assume anything. Above all, be fair. Coach Morgan Wooten of famed DeMatha high school suggests that the less rules the better so you don’t get trapped.
 
Second, the communication is typically filtered through the player and lost in translation. Years ago, it was a bit more difficult to get information directly to the parents. I would send important information to the parent and then ask them to call upon reading to make sure that they not only received it, but there were no issues. Now, I use email frequently. Players are caught up in social activities and other school activities in addition to athletics. In our environment, we have cheerleaders and other teams using our facility. It is noisy and can be distracting. Information that you tell the players may or may not make it home for a variety of reasons. Don’t take chances.

Also, I have two rules that are explained to the parents at the mandatory parents meeting before the first practice. Any time there is a parent/coach discussion about the team, the player must be present. This reduces the “I forgot that coach told me if I would do X, then Y would happen” issues.  Also, always restrict the topic to the player, not other players. For instance, what can Megan do to earn more playing time is a valid discussion topic. Why Kelli is playing more than Kate is not.
 
It is important for the parents to know what is expected of them. I hand out a “Parents Golden Rules” sheet at the parents meeting. They are required to sign it and return the sheet. It outlines the kind of conduct and participation that is expected. The leverage that the you have is playing time. For instance, you have to bench a player if a parent is out of control in the stands. I benched a player nine seasons ago when his father received a technical that affected a game. I still here about the incident occasionally!